MinnMania!

by Kris Sonsteby, Freelance Writer

19th May 2009

Good evening, ‘Trek fans! For my longtime broadcast partner, The Original Champion, I’m The Old Pro welcoming you to another addition of T2E Confidential, the only show that brings you, the audience, through the ropes for an up close and personal look at the game’s greatest superstars. On this week’s edition, we’ll be covering what went down at the biggest pay per view of the year, MinnMania, and bringing you a blow-by-blow account of the evening’s matches. So without further ado, let’s again introduce the special guests who attended, competitors from, and decks played at, last weekend’s slugfest.

** Special Guest Referee **
Kris “The Old Pro” Sonsteby

** Special Guest Enforcer**
Matt “The Jackal” Geiger

** Combatants**
Nat “The Beast from the East” Kirton – TNG Mot / Goval Shuffle
Mike “The Natural” Harrington – Romulan FSE / Lockout
Matt “The Original Champion” Frid – DS9 Integrity Solver
Val “Valbowski” Williams – Cardassian Midget Solver
Matt “The Animal” Hayes – Non-Aligned / Artifact Solver
Amber “The Glamazon” Mitchell – Borg AQ Solver
Steve “The Full Nelson” – Maquis Shenanigans
Barry “The Genius” Windschitl – Borg Two-Mission Win Solver
Chris “The 1, 2, 3 Kid” Volk – Romulan Non-Aligned Solver
Jeremy “The Razor” Benedict – TNG Bridge Crew Solver

Featured Match from Round 1 – The Glamazon vs. Valbowski: Like any good pay per view, MinnMania needed to kick off with a match worthy of bringing the crowd to its feet early, and what better way to do that than with a title match? What if that match was the first of its kind, as in the first ever T2E Women’s title match? That’s right! In a crowd pleaser, Amber “The Glamazon” Mitchell and Val “Valbowski” Williams had a tough back and forth showdown in the night’s opening bout that could have gone either way. However, due to ship trouble that delayed her start early, Amber’s Borg were quickly against the ropes when confronted with Val’s twenty-five-man barrage of Cardassian & Non-Aligned one-cost personnel, including a turn-one opening hand dump of seven people. In a valiant effort, Amber rallied late to make the match respectable, but came up just a little bit short this time against Val, who was crowned the first ever T2E Knockout Champion. Congrats to Valbowski on taking home the gold, but if The Glamazon has anything to say about it, this feud is only just beginning!

Featured Match from Round 2 – The Beast from the East vs. The Full Nelson: In what was billed as Nat “The Beast from the East” Kirton’s toughest challenge on the day, Steve “The Full Nelson” certainly did not disappoint the crowd in his patented submission match, forcing Nat’s deck to play four turns longer than he had anticipated. However, unfortunately for Steve, his Maquis deck did not draw as well as he had hoped, and he wasn’t entirely sure what Nat had up his sleeve until it was too late. While The Full Nelson was able to slow down The Beast from the East with a well-timed Stalling For Time followed up by a Shankaar hand to deck force play, he simply couldn’t get a Cascade Virus early enough to stop Rachel Garret and Goval from hitting the table, and from there it was all over except the paperwork. Even in his trademark bout, The Full Nelson was simply overmatched by The Beast from the East’s gimmick.

Featured Match from Round 3 – The Razor vs. The 1, 2, 3 Kid: In our second title match of the night, Jeremy “The Razor” Benedict took on Chris “The 1, 2, 3 Kid” Volk in a ladder match for X-Division gold! The game started off very well for both players, as Jeremy’s alternate universe TNG bridge crew ran wild over his missions while Chris’ Romulan / Meras trick worked well enough for him to hang in with Jeremy as the two men battled rung for rung. However, due to an inconsistent ruling that The Razor allowed to slide because The Old Pro was busy escorting The Animal back to his cage, The 1, 2, 3 Kid was able to escape to the frozen lands of Fargo with the T2E X Division Title on this night! With the finish for this match rife with turmoil, will MinnMania mark the beginning of a war between The Razor and The Oddities? Stay tuned to find out!

Featured Match from Round 4 – The Original Champion vs. The Genius: The third championship match on the MinnMania card saw Legend’s Champion title holder Matt “The Original Champion” Frid taking on his former n.W.o. protégé, The Genius, in a falls count anywhere slobber knocker. Matt’s DS9 Integrity deck was off to a blazing start, solving Investigate Maquis Activity and Evacuate Colony for a quick 70-0 lead, but it wouldn’t be enough as Barry’s space-wall-heavy dilemma pile eventually caught up to him long enough to solve both Pegasus Search and Restore Errant Moon for the full win. In the end, The-Original Champion was laid out by The Genius’ Con-Chair-To tri-fecta of Distress Call, Gorgan, and Tactical Disadvantage; however, as chair shots were strictly prohibited in this match, The Original Champion escaped MinnMania with his Legend’s title in tow.

Featured Dark Match – The Animal vs. Valbowski: As part of the first ever dueling final confrontations (one top and one bottom), ‘Trek fans were in for a rare sight as The Original Champion, acting as executive shareholder on behalf of T2E Management, authorized a one-of-its-kind inter-gender singles match pitting Matt “The Animal” Hayes against newly-crowed Knockout Champion Val “Valbowski” Williams! This no-holds barred street fight was back and forth early on, with Val’s midgets running crazy through Kressari Rendezvous while Matt was able to solve Deliver Evidence within a few attempts in order to fuel his artifact mechanic. In the end, a well-timed Tox Uthat use led The Animal past his fairer-sex opponent, Valbowski, in the first of MinnMania’s final battles.

Featured Main Event – The Beast from the East vs. The Natural: In a true showcase of the immortals, MinnMania’s headlining match featured two of the most respected men in the business, as Mike “The Natural” Harrington and Nat “The Beast from the East” Kirton fought it out once again for all the marbles, this time with the T2E World Title hanging in the balance. This two-out-of-three-falls lumberjack match witnessed Mike “drawing like God” in the first game to eliminate two of Nat’s three copies of Exceed Engine Output on turn two via a well-timed Discovered, ultimately ensuring that Nat’s Mot / Goval trick could not pull out a full win. On a subsequent turn, Nat had a brain cramp and accidentally pitched (instead of Optimized) two events to even down, thereby costing himself the ability to complete more than one mission before his Mot / Goval deck simply ran out of fuel. With time not on his side thanks to the flurry of activity shortly following the opening bell, The Beast from the East was effectively choked out by The Natural in a defeat via submission in the opening stage of this two-out-of-three-falls contest.

After prizes were distributed to the remaining players, Mike and Nat sat down for phase two of their epic final confrontation to determine the T2E World Champion and the grand prize winner, which ironically was donated by Mike! This match was again over early, as a quick Far Seeing Eyes and Discovered combo completely threw a wrench into The Beast from the East’s Mot / Goval plans. Once The Natural was able to rally for a mission after picking up a few extra points along the way, The Beast from the East ended the bout abruptly by cracking his opponent with the ring bell, forcing a disqualification. Once risen from the daze that followed, The Natural was able to bask in the glory, his hands and title held high as he once again was crowned T2E World Champion!

Once the dust had finally settled on the battle royal that was the MinnMania pay per view, Mike “The Natural” Harrington happily took out the only paper allowed in this traditional format tournament, the green kind found only in his wallet. True to the tournament’s billing, the new king of T2E Entertainment took many of the competitors out for drinks at the local Champp’s, which was a fitting end to one of the hardest-fought regional battles in recent memory. With MinnMania drawing to a close, one can only wonder what next year’s pay per view will have in store. Will The Natural successfully defend his title? Will The Glamazon rip the Knockout title away from Valbowski? Or will The Razor’s feud with The Oddities carry over to next year? Tune in to MinnMania 2010 to find out!

-djl-