#94202
WARNING! This report has a voluntary content rating of (M) for mature audiences. It contains sexual references, coarse language (uncensored), and adult themes. We recommend that if you are below the age of 15 years (or are offended by the use of profanity), you do not to read this report.
====================
Well, I think it’s time I started my annual AC wrap-up report for the 2010 Australian Continental Championships weekend.
This year I planned on making a few changes. Gone would be the side-tracks and silliness that have plagued previous reports. Gone would be the Your Mum jokes that the Clarke brothers love so much. In would come a more serious, gameplay-oriented approach that, amongst other things, would talk about decks and Seven Shuffle Shenanigans.
Thankfully, my esteemed colleague, James Hoskin, has come through with a fantastic AC edition of his Road to the Worlds series of articles, which contains lots of little gameplay tid-bits, an interview with the new AC champ, and other boring stuff you can always find out about by looking up the tournament results yourself (all are linked to here).
This of course, frees me up to talk about the side-tracks and silliness.
Strip-clubs, drinking, bashing the homeless, Casanova getting a bit of mother-daughter action on the train, and oh: did you hear the one about four guys from Perth walking into a store buying lubricant, energy drinks, and a single pack of croissants?
You will here.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy pictures of Robert’s mum while you delve into the rude, raunchy and sometimes just plain deplorable, in this five-part review of the 2010 AC experience from the point of view of the Perth players.
==========
PART ONE
2010 AC Weekend Day 1: Wednesday, 30th of June
It all started innocently enough. Me, Tuesday evening, in front of a toothpaste-stained mirror, making sure my slightly more casual 10th Doctor outfit worked. While taking photos of myself in front of a mirror with clothes on did seem kinda weird (Mael: Stoovie, for the last time, no nude pictures of yourself on trekcc!), giving my hair the Viagra it needed to stay standing was tough. Time to pack a travel-sized hair dryer with my hair product, me-thinks.
I arrived early to the airport. Our flight was the red-eye out of Perth on the Australian domestic wing of British budget carrier, Virgin Blue. I hate long flights on budget airlines. The seats are small and uncomfortable, the service all costs extra. No free booze. Damn. Maybe we’ve just been spoiled with full-service carriers, but I feared the worst. So there was only one thing left to do:
Yep, we hit the piss pre-flight.
Boarding. One last reminder to AC newbie, Matt, that the last thing we wanted was to be bailing him out of jail in Sydney. He assured us he’d be on his best behaviour. I could only hope and pray. The stories I’ve heard of his escapades…
The flight was as bad as expected. Thank heavens for the hot flight attendant. After carefully avoiding asking her the obvious question, what with the Virgin logo embroided across her left breast, I settled in for what turned out to be a horror flight. Matt was a terrible flyer. He has trouble equalising the pressure in his head and went through a whole packet of chewing gum just to avoid, what I can only assume, his head exploding during ascent or descent. That, and being a smoker, the four-hour non-smoking flight took its toll on him.
Sydney. As cold and damp as I remembered it. Not withstanding that all our recent travels there have coincided with winter. First thing’s first, breakfast, a trip to the Bridge, Opera House and other famous landmarks for Matt, the Sydney virgin.
I think he loved it. That, or he just wanted to show off his suit. It has to be said that Wednesday was the smartest he’d look for the AC; after this it was all downhill…
Anyhow, off to get supplies.
The lady at the register was rather nonplussed at a bunch of guys buying KY Jelly and energy drinks. I guess that’s the norm around this side of the country.
KY Jelly? Woah, hold up there, I knew I forgot to explain something. Believe me, it’s not what you think. Or maybe it is, if you’re thinking about the old poem:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ll f*** you with a rake.
Some of you will probably remember the blurry camera-phone photo that was doing the rounds earlier in the year. The matter was also briefly discussed in the Perth Regionals thread. Shortly after, the Perth crew decided to make a rake our mascot. The idea developed through several iterations until we agreed, based on mitigating factors of baggage space, that we’d pimp up a children’s rake.
Casanova's about to get pimp'd...
Casanova and Daniel. If you hear them a creepin', clench.
Sorry Robert, but that's clearly a Cool FAIL.
Casanova, as the rake was affectionately named, was to also sport a condom and a tube of lube. The condom was easy to find (there was one lying around in my car… don’t ask, as I don’t know myself!) but the lube needed to be acquired in Sydney so I didn’t have to carry it from Perth in my already burgeoning baggage bulk.
Casanova has been officially adopted as Team WA’s mascot, and thanks to Robert, will soon be sporting his own Facebook page!
Ok, back to regular programming.
The Biermeister. From out of the darkness, there is strength. Or in the case of the 2010 Australian National Biermeister, ten drunken Star Trek CCG players squinting in the twilight. The Arthouse Hotel once again played host to the Biermeister, but the evening didn’t go according to plan.
While my name was at the door as having a reservation, no areas within the bar were actually reserved for us. After making a complaint to the floor staff, we got allocated some couches and coffee tables in a dark corner, which I had to link up with some foot stools just to create the illusion of a table big enough for five games a round. The lighting was deplorable. Fantastic mood lighting for one of the classiest bars in all of Sydney, but far from ideal for playing Trek. All a far cry from the reasonably lit tables and chairs we got in 2009.
While the Perth crew made a concerted effort to arrive earlier to have a pre-game feed, the time it took to sort out the reservation mess meant we were all ordering five minutes out from the scheduled start of the event. Though it didn’t really matter, as the Sydney crew turned up and themselves started ordering. By the time we all finished, we were already out 30-45 minutes.
ID Draft was fun, though probably something that we’ll cut in the future in favour of straight sealed just because of time and space constraints. The Biermeister cards gave the event a whole new dimension. Well worth the effort and well received by all.
A quick run-down for those not familiar with the Biermeister format. Players have 20 minutes between rounds to “drink a beer” (a standard drink based on alcohol content) for each victory point scored in the previous round. Given we “do things differently in Australia” (Keller, 2010), any “drink a beer” abilities used on the Australian Biermeister cards during games also counts towards totals.
The player who drinks the most beers after four rounds wins the Biermeister, irrespective of where they placed in the actual tournament.
The terrible lighting put a little bit of a dampener on what otherwise was a fantastic night of beer and Trek!
My performance in the Biermeister was pretty ordinary. I was in the lead after the first round, having shocked my first opponent, Sydney’s Craig Giblett, by downing an extra three beers during my first round to put me on six after I finished my three drinks for winning the first round. I was determined to win. But after six drinks in 45 minutes, my next game against Daniel Hyde was going to be more a recovery session. Full loss, one drink, no extra drinks during the round. I was still in the mix though, so after the start of the third round, when Robert informed me that the bar would close earlier if there weren’t enough customers, we decided to make the final round doubles.
Iron Mike Nugent, also the night’s special guest Judge (since he was also a non-drinking participant) was my final opponent. I knew I wouldn’t have the fortitude to beat him and it showed; I continued to forget to use the awesome tech I pulled and used in round 1 to win in under 30 minutes. So I decided I'd go nuts with the “drink a beer” abilities before the game ended.
But when I went to the bar, I was refused. No, not because I was drunk, but because they were closing. Damn. Half the games were still going. Luke Roberts, the 2009 Australian Biermeister who’d arrived just a tad too late for the first round, was still half-way through sculling what was apparently his seventh pint. I was stuck on seven beers! Disgraceful!
Heck, it got to a stage where Luke had to be removed by security. He was adamant in defending his title, and while even the guard was hesitant to forcefully remove the seven-foot giant, Luke conceded at what was apparently 15 beers (from several heresay reports including Luke himself).
The truth is, Mike had a tough time just getting tournament results from everyone, as games were spread across the entire bar as players scrambled for areas with decent seating and lighting as patrons vacated. We don’t actually know who drank the most beer. In the end, in consultation with Mike and the players, I had to make a call. Who won? Find out in the final report!
But it was interesting to see other drinkers, business shirt-clad after-work-drinkers, actually come up to the games and spectate. Some talked about how they also played cards (Magic, Star Wars, even First Edition Trek!) They would talk about how much they loved TOS or TNG, and as the night wore on, would ask me questions like “hey man, do you have Yoda in your deck? He’d be like, fucking syck, “attempt mission I will”…”.
Lots of fun and great exposure for the game. Even if they probably won’t remember it in the morning.
====================
Biermeister Results (as recorded, though there were apparently many inaccuracies, with heresay reports of more drinks consumed, so while the following doesn't reflect what actually happened, it was all we had on paper the next morning)
Robert Dawson (9 after three rounds)
Matthyas Kiraly (7 after two rounds)
Daniel Hyde (7 after three rounds)
Luke Roberts (4 after two rounds)
Matthew Townsend (4 after two rounds)
Craig Giblett (3 after two rounds)
Daniel Waller (2 after two rounds)
Peter Hill (1 after one round)
Kieren Otton (1 after one round)
Mike Nugent (non-participant)
====================
Anyhow, 12am and we were out on the street. Most of the Sydney-siders split. Luke tagged along with us, so we did what every group of drunk 20-somethings would do around midnight: go to a 24-hour McDonalds.
One of my favourite photos of the entire weekend, courtesy of Robert.
Double Quarter Pounder Value Meal, with extra pickles, tatsoy salad and McNugget sauce (I think that’s right). Matt, who works at a McDonalds back in Perth, recommended this as the best, most filling order I could get. Of course, at the time, he could have ordered drain cleaner for five and we would have drunk it.
The next best thing would have been a five-person serving of McDonalds horrible chicken nuggets. As it happened, Luke and Daniel mixed up their ordering and between them ordered 30 or so of the things!. Lord knows if they actually finished them or ended up offering them to the underage chicks floating by.
12:30am. On the way back to our room, Robert was confronted by some random homeless dude who challenged Robert to kick his hand, which he held head-high. Not realising Robert was a Australian Tae-Kwan-Do champion, Robert not only met the challenge, but also stunned the hell out of the guy. Thankfully he wasn’t mortally wounded, as I didn’t have a Hypospray to put him in stasis (and the nearest Infirmary was a long way away… )
*boo-boom* *tish*
(Sorry, couldn't help it, a bad First Edition gag
)
Anyhow, off to bed. What a 24-hours it’s been, and indeed, most of us Perth players had been awake for pretty much the last 36 hours or more. A well-earned rest was on the cards. It’s a big four days coming up.
====================
Dream Team Scores after Day 1
10x (total VP / no. of rounds)
Mike Nugent: 30
Robert Dawson: 30
Daniel Hyde: 23
Peter Hill: 23
Matthyas Kiraly: 17
Matthew Townsend: 17
Craig Giblett: 17
Daniel Waller: 13
Luke Roberts: 10
Kieren Otton: 10
====================
Coming up next: Day 2 – Hangovers and the Australian Second Edition Nationals.
====================
Well, I think it’s time I started my annual AC wrap-up report for the 2010 Australian Continental Championships weekend.
This year I planned on making a few changes. Gone would be the side-tracks and silliness that have plagued previous reports. Gone would be the Your Mum jokes that the Clarke brothers love so much. In would come a more serious, gameplay-oriented approach that, amongst other things, would talk about decks and Seven Shuffle Shenanigans.
Thankfully, my esteemed colleague, James Hoskin, has come through with a fantastic AC edition of his Road to the Worlds series of articles, which contains lots of little gameplay tid-bits, an interview with the new AC champ, and other boring stuff you can always find out about by looking up the tournament results yourself (all are linked to here).
This of course, frees me up to talk about the side-tracks and silliness.
Strip-clubs, drinking, bashing the homeless, Casanova getting a bit of mother-daughter action on the train, and oh: did you hear the one about four guys from Perth walking into a store buying lubricant, energy drinks, and a single pack of croissants?
You will here.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy pictures of Robert’s mum while you delve into the rude, raunchy and sometimes just plain deplorable, in this five-part review of the 2010 AC experience from the point of view of the Perth players.
==========
PART ONE
2010 AC Weekend Day 1: Wednesday, 30th of June
It all started innocently enough. Me, Tuesday evening, in front of a toothpaste-stained mirror, making sure my slightly more casual 10th Doctor outfit worked. While taking photos of myself in front of a mirror with clothes on did seem kinda weird (Mael: Stoovie, for the last time, no nude pictures of yourself on trekcc!), giving my hair the Viagra it needed to stay standing was tough. Time to pack a travel-sized hair dryer with my hair product, me-thinks.
I arrived early to the airport. Our flight was the red-eye out of Perth on the Australian domestic wing of British budget carrier, Virgin Blue. I hate long flights on budget airlines. The seats are small and uncomfortable, the service all costs extra. No free booze. Damn. Maybe we’ve just been spoiled with full-service carriers, but I feared the worst. So there was only one thing left to do:
Yep, we hit the piss pre-flight.
Boarding. One last reminder to AC newbie, Matt, that the last thing we wanted was to be bailing him out of jail in Sydney. He assured us he’d be on his best behaviour. I could only hope and pray. The stories I’ve heard of his escapades…
The flight was as bad as expected. Thank heavens for the hot flight attendant. After carefully avoiding asking her the obvious question, what with the Virgin logo embroided across her left breast, I settled in for what turned out to be a horror flight. Matt was a terrible flyer. He has trouble equalising the pressure in his head and went through a whole packet of chewing gum just to avoid, what I can only assume, his head exploding during ascent or descent. That, and being a smoker, the four-hour non-smoking flight took its toll on him.
Sydney. As cold and damp as I remembered it. Not withstanding that all our recent travels there have coincided with winter. First thing’s first, breakfast, a trip to the Bridge, Opera House and other famous landmarks for Matt, the Sydney virgin.
I think he loved it. That, or he just wanted to show off his suit. It has to be said that Wednesday was the smartest he’d look for the AC; after this it was all downhill…
Anyhow, off to get supplies.
The lady at the register was rather nonplussed at a bunch of guys buying KY Jelly and energy drinks. I guess that’s the norm around this side of the country.
KY Jelly? Woah, hold up there, I knew I forgot to explain something. Believe me, it’s not what you think. Or maybe it is, if you’re thinking about the old poem:
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I’ll f*** you with a rake.
Some of you will probably remember the blurry camera-phone photo that was doing the rounds earlier in the year. The matter was also briefly discussed in the Perth Regionals thread. Shortly after, the Perth crew decided to make a rake our mascot. The idea developed through several iterations until we agreed, based on mitigating factors of baggage space, that we’d pimp up a children’s rake.
Casanova's about to get pimp'd...
Casanova and Daniel. If you hear them a creepin', clench.
Sorry Robert, but that's clearly a Cool FAIL.
Casanova, as the rake was affectionately named, was to also sport a condom and a tube of lube. The condom was easy to find (there was one lying around in my car… don’t ask, as I don’t know myself!) but the lube needed to be acquired in Sydney so I didn’t have to carry it from Perth in my already burgeoning baggage bulk.
Casanova has been officially adopted as Team WA’s mascot, and thanks to Robert, will soon be sporting his own Facebook page!
Ok, back to regular programming.
The Biermeister. From out of the darkness, there is strength. Or in the case of the 2010 Australian National Biermeister, ten drunken Star Trek CCG players squinting in the twilight. The Arthouse Hotel once again played host to the Biermeister, but the evening didn’t go according to plan.
While my name was at the door as having a reservation, no areas within the bar were actually reserved for us. After making a complaint to the floor staff, we got allocated some couches and coffee tables in a dark corner, which I had to link up with some foot stools just to create the illusion of a table big enough for five games a round. The lighting was deplorable. Fantastic mood lighting for one of the classiest bars in all of Sydney, but far from ideal for playing Trek. All a far cry from the reasonably lit tables and chairs we got in 2009.
While the Perth crew made a concerted effort to arrive earlier to have a pre-game feed, the time it took to sort out the reservation mess meant we were all ordering five minutes out from the scheduled start of the event. Though it didn’t really matter, as the Sydney crew turned up and themselves started ordering. By the time we all finished, we were already out 30-45 minutes.
ID Draft was fun, though probably something that we’ll cut in the future in favour of straight sealed just because of time and space constraints. The Biermeister cards gave the event a whole new dimension. Well worth the effort and well received by all.
A quick run-down for those not familiar with the Biermeister format. Players have 20 minutes between rounds to “drink a beer” (a standard drink based on alcohol content) for each victory point scored in the previous round. Given we “do things differently in Australia” (Keller, 2010), any “drink a beer” abilities used on the Australian Biermeister cards during games also counts towards totals.
The player who drinks the most beers after four rounds wins the Biermeister, irrespective of where they placed in the actual tournament.
The terrible lighting put a little bit of a dampener on what otherwise was a fantastic night of beer and Trek!
My performance in the Biermeister was pretty ordinary. I was in the lead after the first round, having shocked my first opponent, Sydney’s Craig Giblett, by downing an extra three beers during my first round to put me on six after I finished my three drinks for winning the first round. I was determined to win. But after six drinks in 45 minutes, my next game against Daniel Hyde was going to be more a recovery session. Full loss, one drink, no extra drinks during the round. I was still in the mix though, so after the start of the third round, when Robert informed me that the bar would close earlier if there weren’t enough customers, we decided to make the final round doubles.
Iron Mike Nugent, also the night’s special guest Judge (since he was also a non-drinking participant) was my final opponent. I knew I wouldn’t have the fortitude to beat him and it showed; I continued to forget to use the awesome tech I pulled and used in round 1 to win in under 30 minutes. So I decided I'd go nuts with the “drink a beer” abilities before the game ended.
But when I went to the bar, I was refused. No, not because I was drunk, but because they were closing. Damn. Half the games were still going. Luke Roberts, the 2009 Australian Biermeister who’d arrived just a tad too late for the first round, was still half-way through sculling what was apparently his seventh pint. I was stuck on seven beers! Disgraceful!
Heck, it got to a stage where Luke had to be removed by security. He was adamant in defending his title, and while even the guard was hesitant to forcefully remove the seven-foot giant, Luke conceded at what was apparently 15 beers (from several heresay reports including Luke himself).
The truth is, Mike had a tough time just getting tournament results from everyone, as games were spread across the entire bar as players scrambled for areas with decent seating and lighting as patrons vacated. We don’t actually know who drank the most beer. In the end, in consultation with Mike and the players, I had to make a call. Who won? Find out in the final report!
But it was interesting to see other drinkers, business shirt-clad after-work-drinkers, actually come up to the games and spectate. Some talked about how they also played cards (Magic, Star Wars, even First Edition Trek!) They would talk about how much they loved TOS or TNG, and as the night wore on, would ask me questions like “hey man, do you have Yoda in your deck? He’d be like, fucking syck, “attempt mission I will”…”.
Lots of fun and great exposure for the game. Even if they probably won’t remember it in the morning.
====================
Biermeister Results (as recorded, though there were apparently many inaccuracies, with heresay reports of more drinks consumed, so while the following doesn't reflect what actually happened, it was all we had on paper the next morning)
Robert Dawson (9 after three rounds)
Matthyas Kiraly (7 after two rounds)
Daniel Hyde (7 after three rounds)
Luke Roberts (4 after two rounds)
Matthew Townsend (4 after two rounds)
Craig Giblett (3 after two rounds)
Daniel Waller (2 after two rounds)
Peter Hill (1 after one round)
Kieren Otton (1 after one round)
Mike Nugent (non-participant)
====================
Anyhow, 12am and we were out on the street. Most of the Sydney-siders split. Luke tagged along with us, so we did what every group of drunk 20-somethings would do around midnight: go to a 24-hour McDonalds.
One of my favourite photos of the entire weekend, courtesy of Robert.
Double Quarter Pounder Value Meal, with extra pickles, tatsoy salad and McNugget sauce (I think that’s right). Matt, who works at a McDonalds back in Perth, recommended this as the best, most filling order I could get. Of course, at the time, he could have ordered drain cleaner for five and we would have drunk it.
The next best thing would have been a five-person serving of McDonalds horrible chicken nuggets. As it happened, Luke and Daniel mixed up their ordering and between them ordered 30 or so of the things!. Lord knows if they actually finished them or ended up offering them to the underage chicks floating by.
12:30am. On the way back to our room, Robert was confronted by some random homeless dude who challenged Robert to kick his hand, which he held head-high. Not realising Robert was a Australian Tae-Kwan-Do champion, Robert not only met the challenge, but also stunned the hell out of the guy. Thankfully he wasn’t mortally wounded, as I didn’t have a Hypospray to put him in stasis (and the nearest Infirmary was a long way away… )
*boo-boom* *tish*
(Sorry, couldn't help it, a bad First Edition gag
)Anyhow, off to bed. What a 24-hours it’s been, and indeed, most of us Perth players had been awake for pretty much the last 36 hours or more. A well-earned rest was on the cards. It’s a big four days coming up.
====================
Dream Team Scores after Day 1
10x (total VP / no. of rounds)
Mike Nugent: 30
Robert Dawson: 30
Daniel Hyde: 23
Peter Hill: 23
Matthyas Kiraly: 17
Matthew Townsend: 17
Craig Giblett: 17
Daniel Waller: 13
Luke Roberts: 10
Kieren Otton: 10
====================
Coming up next: Day 2 – Hangovers and the Australian Second Edition Nationals.
Last edited by stoovie on Wed Jul 14, 2010 8:49 am, edited 1 time in total.
#peldorjoi
Wedge772 wrote:It should never be the role of the CC to stand in the way of the community actually playing and enjoying this game. The day that happens is the day that the CC loses its very reason for existing.
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