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Which lore should appear on the finished card?

Lore Option #1 ("Violent, unstable pianist...")
27
57%
Lore Option #2 ("The memories of the murderer...")
5
11%
Lore Option #3 ("Repressed for decades...")
3
6%
Lore Option #4 ("Graduate of the Tenaran Music Academy...")
5
11%
Lore Option #5 ("During her zhian'tara...")
7
15%
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By Armus (Brian Sykes)
 - The Center of the Galaxy
 -  
Regent
Community Contributor
#415251
I like the tone of option 5 but not the wording. It just seems weird referencing the character in his own lore.

I'd recommend the following edit:
A murderer embodied in the human Benjamin Sisko who confronted Jadzia Dax during her zhian'tara. Claimed she was an unworthy host.
As written, I voted for number one.
 
 - Beta Quadrant
 -  
#415277
IMO Lore #2 ("The memories of the murderer...") reads fine and is straight to the point, but that critical element is also covered by the other options, and my personal inclination is to try for some more meat on the bones. Lore #4 ("Graduate of the Tenaran Music Academy...") has some odd misdirection for me; first, the use of "housed" has me expecting the name of a dormitory unit next, and second identifying the species Joran murdered but leaving out what he himself was has me backtracking over it. Lore #5 ("During her zhian'tara...") almost has Joran taking a backseat on his own card.

For me it's probably Lore #1 ("Violent, unstable pianist..."), edging out Lore #3 ("Repressed for decades..."). It'd be cool if we could combine elements from the other options though. For example, keeping the pianist and murderer elements, but replacing the number of people he murdered with that great tidbit from Lore #5 ("He claimed Jadzia was an unworthy host."). I think if there's to be anything about attacking or taunting Jadzia, this would be the place to do it.
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By Tim (Tim Davidson)
 - Delta Quadrant
 -  
#415278
AllenGould wrote:
Zef'No wrote:Well, given that zhian'tara was the winner of the vote, to use that word in a coherent sentence without mentioning Dax would be a lot harder - one would have to deliberately go out of their way to avoid doing so and the result would probably feel unnatural. Bearing in mind of course that many people wouldn't know what zhian'tara was out of context.
That seems like something that should have been brought up earlier, though.
Maybe some voters thought Jadzia Dax as a lore keyword meant the persona (even though Charlie did make it clear it wasn't in the post) and it got fewer votes than it should have. After seeing the lore options, Zef'No is right. It would be too awkward to refer to the character, what he was, and what he was doing without mentioning Jadzia.

Looks like people have mostly voted for the only lore option here with the 'pianist' keyword, which was popular in the keyword vote coming in a very close third.
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Director of First Edition
By MidnightLich (Charlie Plaine)
 - Director of First Edition
 -  
Prophet
#415290
The winning lore:
Violent, unstable pianist embodied in the human Benjamin Sisko during Jadzia Dax’s zhian'tara. By 2286, he had murdered a total of three people.
-crp
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