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SIQpu'bogh bIj!

by Daniel Matteson, ghItlh ghom HoD

1st April 2020

 

MEV!

 

 

YOU!

 

THE PERSON WHO IS READING THIS NOW. ANSWER ME!

Yes, YOU! Greetings, noble warrior. Indulge me this day as I tell the tale of one of the greatest battles in the history of the Klingon Empire!

Experience Bij!

NO, you insolent petaQ! I'm not talking about the "Great Tribble Hunt!" I am of course talking about... the War of BIJ!

It was twenty-seven years ago this day that Captain Kavok, the Greatest Warrior of Them All, stole his way into Federation space and hijacked their most precious flagship, the U.S.S. Enterprise. After commandeering his prize, Kavok piloted the mighty Enterprise into Klingon territory and attacked a squadron of ships. Though the Enterprise and Captain Kavok were lost in the battle, that incursion sparked the match that began an all-out war with the Federation...a war that resulted in the Empire's victory!

I know what you're thinking. "Surely one man could not have commandeered a Galaxy-class starship on his own? Did he not meet any resistance along the way?" Of COURSE he did!

The Enterprise was largely empty, but a few crewmembers were still aboard, determined to wrest back computer control so they could get to the bridge and stop Kavok from carrying out his plans. Kavok, of course, was able to outwit them, by--

What? No, he didn't use hand-to-hand combat! And no, he didn't cut their life support either. Kavok was able to win... by INCONVENIENTLY DELAYING THEM!

That's right. Kavok slowed the pitiful Federation progress with silly puzzles! Such as collecting isolinear chips! Mysteriously locking and unlocking doors! Shutting down the holodecks! And the most ruthless tactic of them all... placing his enemies in STASIS FIELDS... only to remove them seconds later!

Yes, these delaying tactics were petty and demoralizing enough to get the job done, and Kavok's deeds are now recorded in the songs of legend!

And that's the story of... wait, what was the point of this? Oh, yes. Today's card spoiler from The Neutral Zone.

Well, with today's card, Experience Bij!, you can now punish your opponent with inconvenient delays just long enough to secure your own victory! Go forth and win your battles, expand your power, and long live the Empire!

 

942972-10152770184115048-413869441-n 253266-10152770204290048-838993499-n

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